In February, it will be 3 years since we first decided to pursue adoption. I remember before then, I would think about having another child (we’d always wanted more than one) and I’d feel a burden. I would have such a load. Would I have the same health issues I had before? Would everything be different or would I not survive the next round and leave Dakota without a mom? Once we decided to adopt, I felt peace in our decision and the burden left. I always felt like that was my sign that this was the right journey for us.
Over the past few months, I have questioned myself. Maybe that person that said “I've seen bad experiences…I don’t feel right about this” was right. Maybe we weren't supposed to adopt. Maybe that’s why it’s taking so long. I was questioning everything and then, I would get sad, maybe even in tears, because I was questioning.
About two months ago, an opportunity came open at work. I felt like the job was a perfect fit for me and my background. However, I tried to not pray to get the job, but instead to pray for things to work out the way they should. I didn't get the job.
About two weeks later, I was approached about another position in our company. It was something completely new for me – I've never done anything quite like it before. It was exciting to think something might work out. However, as the adversary is so good at presenting, confusion would follow.
Suddenly, the position I had applied for two weeks prior had another potential opening and I heard through the rumor mill that I might be considered. I found myself debating between the two. At the time, I felt like I knew what I wanted and what fit me more, but I was tormented over what to do. One night, I woke up every hour or so worrying about how this would work out and even woke up the next morning in tears. Something had to give.
When something doesn't feel just right, I've heard before that someone “didn't get the warm and fuzzies.” Well, later that same day, I spoke to someone about the original position I had applied for and I didn't get those “warm and fuzzies.” Before I went home that day, I made the decision that I should stop worrying about what might happen there and focus on this new opportunity that had come up. Well, all of a sudden (within a few short hours), I had peace. In my heart, I knew this was the right decision because the worry and fear I’d had for a week before melted away. I was at peace.
I officially accepted the new position last Friday. I am supposed to start this new adventure on October 20th. I honestly feel like God has worked this out for me. It will definitely be something new for me and the unknown is a little scary, but I feel like this is where I’m supposed to be.
So, what does this have to do with the adoption process? Well, last Thursday night at church, I was thinking about how it seemed like this was all working out and I realized something. The peace that I felt when I decided that I needed to pursue this opportunity was the SAME PEACE I felt almost 3 years ago when we made the decision to adopt.
Sometimes, we question things. Maybe God has given us His answer, but when it doesn't happen right away, we start questioning Him. Maybe we didn't hear His answer right. Maybe we were mistaken. This was a reminder to me that this is the path that we are supposed to be on and that it will happen in God’s time.
Still waiting, hoping, and praying…