Walt Disney World Trip Report Day 2: Saturday, October 7, 2017

We decided we would try driving to the parks more this trip.  We got up on Saturday morning, ate a quick breakfast in the room, and then headed to Epcot.  We arrived at Epcot about 45 minutes before rope drop.  This wasn’t the greatest idea with an 8yo anxious to get into the park.  He wasn’t happy about it, but we made it!

We headed straight for Mission: Space at park opening.  Jon and Dakota headed for orange while I sat back with Sarah. We did not use rider swap because I wasn’t sure I could handle the orange side.  Jon and Dakota basically walked right now and loved the ride.  Dakota and I returned to the Green side.  I liked the green side.  Dakota liked it but said orange was better.

We briefly sopped in Innoventions East.  We did the color challenge and it was pretty fun, but Jon was disappointed that Innoventions was so much smaller than he remembered from before.  We had a FPP for Character Spot next.  We headed in and once Sarah saw the characters, she started getting excited.  That is, until it was time to get close to them. She freaked out.  Our pictures are mostly of me holding her as far away from the characters as possible.  By the time we got to Minnie, she did blow her a kiss, but was still scared.

Our next stop was Club Cool.  I had one main goal and I succeeded.  I convinced Jon and Dakota to try the Beverly.  I should’ve had my camera out to catch their expressions.  We did all try the melon flavored coke from Thailand and decided that was a much better option than Italy.

Our touring plan had Soarin’ next but we found ourselves significantly ahead of schedule. Instead, we went on to the Land pavilion and had a delicious lunch at Sunshine Seasons.  Once we were finished with lunch, we headed to Soarin’ and used the rider swap.  I love this ride and possibly love the newer version even more than the older version.  It was wonderful. 

We wanted to do Living with the Land next, but the wait time was very long, so we decided not to wait for it.  We had another FPP for Spaceship Earth at 12:10.  This isn’t the greatest ride in the park, to me; however, it is a nice educational experience for Dakota and is something that Sarah could ride with us.

Our original plans had us leaving to head back for a midday break at this point.  However, we’d decided that because Illuminations was so late and our preferred viewing was all the way in Italy, we would finish our Future World plans before going back to the room, so we headed back over towards The Seas. We got in the line for the Seas with Nemo and Friends – it’s a cute ride, especially for Sarah.  Dakota didn’t really want to do Turtle Talk with Crush, but we convinced him to try by telling him he could sit with us if he wanted.  We still sat on the front row.  I had almost forgotten how hilarious that show is.  I love Turtle Talk.

At this point, we considered going back to the room because Sarah was getting cranky and didn’t want to go to sleep.  Her wonderful mom had forgotten to get her sippy out of the car that morning.  We tried with a cup from the gift shop but that didn’t satisfy her.  Finally, on the way back, the boys went in to get (more) Starbucks and while we were waiting, she fell asleep.  Since she was asleep, we decided to let Dakota go back and ride Mission: Space again, since he’d loved it before.  Sarah slept while they rode but woke up before they got back.  She wasn’t in a great mood, it was extremely hot, and we were tired so we decided to call it a day and head back to the room.  We had a nice nap in the room before getting up for supper at the resort. 

 

Walt Disney World Trip Report Day 1: Friday, October 6, 2017

Our original plans for Disney included leaving on Friday night, stopping around Valdosta, GA, and then arrive mid-day Saturday with a possible afternoon visit to Epcot.  Once we realized Dakota would be out of school on Friday, we decided to book an extra day and arrive on Friday.  That eventually led us to leave at midnight.  You can see the path we’re taking here.  Needless to say, Day 1 actually began about 10pm Thursday night.

Knowing we’d plan to leave around midnight, Jon had decided to stay up all night on Wednesday night and sleep all day Thursday.  We left home around 10pm with everything packed – almost.  We got about a mile up the road and realized we’d left Sarah’s sippy cup in the fridge at home.  Knowing she tends to want her sippy a lot during the night, we turned around to go home and get it.  Thank goodness we weren’t any further down the road or we may have been making a stop at Walmart on the way.

Around 10:15pm, we finally left home the last time with blankets, pillows, and that ever important sippy in tow.  We drove straight through only stopping for gas and bathroom breaks.  Just past Chattanooga, we encountered a small traffic slowdown due to construction.  Atlanta is always our main concern since traffic can be so bad down I75.  I’m usually the navigator through Atlanta.  Jon pays attention to the traffic and I watch the GPS and signs to make sure he’s in the right lane so we don’t venture off I75.  It’s what works for us.  He woke me up before Atlanta and we proceeded through the entire city with extremely low to no traffic.  It was amazing! We decided 2am during the week is the perfect time to drive through Atlanta. 

 

Just past Atlanta, we were needing gas and a bathroom break.  We stopped in Jonesboro and quickly saw this was not the place to be at 2:30am.  After getting gas, we realized there was a sign on the door that they didn’t have restrooms anyway and seeing people hanging around outside at that time of morning made us uncomfortable so we quickly got out of there.  We traveled south a little further and stopped in Perry, GA for the necessary bathroom break.  As soon as we pulled into the gas station and saw a cop car sitting near the front, we felt safer.  The people in the store were SUPER nice and told us their town had been rated as one of the 5 safest places in Georgia.  They said at night a cop was never far from there store. 

After a bathroom break and some snacks, we headed back on the road.  We all went back to sleep, except Jon of course.  He trudged along down I75 until we reached Florida.  By that time, it was daylight and we could enjoy the sights a little more.  We continued until we reached our destination at around 9:30am: All Star Movies.

 

We were very early for check-in but we were able to spend some time “playing.”  We went to the playground for a little bit and let the kids have some fun.  I finally convinced Jon to go back to the car by himself and take a nap.  He slept for about an hour and woke up feeling refreshed.  By the time he woke up, it was almost time for lunch so we headed to the food court and enjoyed a pizza lunch from one of the counters there.  Once finished with lunch, the kids had a blast playing in the arcade for a while. Once their cards were almost empty, we decided to let them play at the kiddie pool for a while.  We’d just sat down at the kiddie pool when we received a text saying our room was ready.

 

We spent some time napping in the room after unpacking.  We then decided to take the bus to Magic Kingdom and hop the monorail to tour some resorts.  We decided not to stop at the Contemporary, thinking we wouldn’t have much to see or do there.  We did stop at the Polynesian, which is a beautiful resort.  We took a moment while there to enjoy Dole Whips.  We then headed back to the monorail and proceeded to the Grand Floridian.  The Grand Floridian is a nice hotel, but a little too fancy for my liking. It was still neat to see the details.  After dinner at the resort, we decided to head in for the night since we were going to attempt rope drop at Epcot on Saturday morning.

 

 



 

Opening Up to Love

Has it really been over a year since I’ve updated the blog? I read something once about the people who are happy and content with their lives are off living it and don't take time to write about it.  I guess that's true because I haven't done a very good job of keeping my blog updated.  We have recently had a major change in our adoption story, and I thought it was time to update.

Open adoption is a new subject to many people.  It's a scary topic to most people outside of the adoption world, but is becoming part of life for many within that world.  You see, most in that world have researched and read (and researched and read) and have discovered that many times, when safe, it's in the child's best interest.

Our adoption was semi open for about the first two years.  We sent updates and pictures to the agency, who would then forward them to Sarah's birthmom, T.  Late last year, Jon and I began talking about the possibility of opening up our adoption.  We decided in February that we would offer to open up the adoption if T wanted.  She did and within a few weeks, we were texting each other.  In April, we met face to face for the first time and again on Mother's Day.  We have continued to text each other, usually at least weekly or more. This past Saturday, we were blessed to be able to meet more of Sarah's birth family at a birthday party for her cousin. 
Let's pause for a minute.  I don't consider myself exactly a social butterfly.  If I know the people around me, yes, I can talk nonstop and it may seem like there's no shy bone in my body.  However, put me in a room full of people I don't know or even people I'm acquaintances with, but don't know well, and I very well may clam up.  Even around some (not all) of Jon's family, I feel so uncomfortable sometimes that I will stay to myself and not say much. I'm not great at "starting" the conversation with people I don't know well, but once I know you, it's difficult to get me to shut up sometimes. Unpause.

I can't really explain it to anyone outside the adoption world, but I feel a connection to Sarah's birth family that I can't describe.  The immense love we feel for T and her family is beyond explanation.  I want to share those feelings with others, but I have found that almost no one understands.  You would think going into a room where you barely know anyone would be extremely uncomfortable - but it wasn't.  It felt like sitting around with family.  Now, don't get me wrong - my stomach was in knots and I was very nervous before we got there - I mean, what if they don't like us?  But once we walked in, everything settled and we felt at ease.  Family is the best way to describe it, at least for us.

One of the toughest things for me to get used to is reactions from others. I'm a pretty open book with our lives, especially when something exciting is going on.  I want to share it with others.  However, I'm having to learn that most of our friends and family don't share the excitement of open adoption with us.  Most of them haven't "researched and read" enough to understand why we chose to open our adoption and, if they're honest, they probably think we're crazy.  It actually caught me off guard at first hearing unsupportive comments; however, after doing a bit more research, I found that almost all families in open adoptions hear the exact same thing.  I've come to realize it is mostly coming from a lack of knowledge and understanding.  I've just had to learn to not be offended when someone else isn't as excited about it as we are. 

I know that we are still new at all of this, but I can't speak highly enough of open adoption at this point.  If you're in the process of trying to adopt (especially domestic infant adoption), please keep an open mind and do your research.  If you have family or friends who are in an open adoption or pursuing one, please keep an open mind.  While you may not have done research, please remember the family you know likely has and isn't going into their decision(s) blind.

I started this blog as a way to keep record of our adoption journey.  If you read back through some of my previous posts, you'll see a glimpse of the emotions that come along with adoption, from a hopeful adoptive parent's viewpoint.  I can honestly say now that every single day of that wait was worth it.  I now know it was necessary to wait those three years because we didn't just need a child - we needed THIS child.  We weren't just waiting for a baby - we were waiting for our Sarah.

A Year Later...

Tomorrow will mark the one year anniversary of the day we got the call that changed our lives.  Tuesday will make one year ago that Sarah came home.  In one way, it seems so fast while in another, it seems like she's been with us for years.

I've thought a lot this week about where we were a year ago.  At this time a year ago, we were still a family of three. We didn't know if or when we'd ever be a family of four. I imagine our plans for the upcoming weekend included celebrating Jon's 32nd birthday, attending a gospel singing on Friday night and who knows what else. We had no idea what was in store.

We went to the singing on Friday night not knowing that before we left, we would receive the call that would change our lives forever.  I still get teary eyed just thinking about how with that one phone call, three years of waiting, praying, hoping, crying, questioning, and wondering came to an end.   Well, let's me honest - the crying was far from over but now it's happy tears.

I remember standing in that church parking lot and listening to Susan tell us all about this little girl.  I remember feeling like it wasn't really happening.  I think sometimes when you've waited for something so long, it's hard to believe it when it finally does happen.

Sunday morning, May 17th, we were supposed to wait for a call to leave home but we couldn't wait and finally started out on faith.  We stopped at a tool shop somewhere on the way, but realized we didn't have cell phone service so left pretty quickly.  We finally stopped at a flea market and about as soon as we walked in the door, my phone rang.  It was Rick, our attorney, telling us that she was being released from the hospital and we could take her home.

After killing a little time at the flea market, we met Rick and Susan at the hospital. Before we were introduced to her, they dressed her with an outfit that said, "I was worth the wait." Oh how true that was.  We dressed in the all too familiar NICU attire and prepared to meet our daughter.  Susan took pictures for us as we met this precious little girl.  Those pictures are treasures to me.  I'm so thankful to be able to see our faces as we saw our daughter for the first time.

Those first few days felt so surreal. Now, a year later, my heart is still so happy. I'm finally content and feel complete.  I can't explain the feeling of having us all together.  Completeness is the closest I can come.

To those still waiting, please remember that you never know when your call will come.  There were times I was ready to give up.  I convinced myself that God wasn't going to give me the desire of my heart.  After 3 years, it felt almost too hard to keep going.

Have you seen the picture floating around Facebook of the men digging for treasure and the one guy gives up right before he gets to the treasure? If we would have given up, that would've been us.  We were so close - we just couldn't see it.

I think everyone who has adopted and had to wait a long time will tell you it was worth the wait.  That isn't downplaying the wait.  It's hard. I still say that was one of the hardest things in my life.  But on May 17, 2015, every single day became worth it. That's not an exaggeration or figure of speech.  It's the truth.

Letter to Me Four Years Ago

Four years ago today is when I consider we officially began our adoption journey.  We met with our agency for the first time and decided that was the path and agency we would follow.  In honor of that anniversary, I decided to write a letter to myself....here's what I would tell myself if I could send a note to me four years ago.

Dear Holly (Feb 2012):

Right now, you are excited.  You and Jon have just made the decision to grow your family by adoption.  You feel relief that you won't have to risk your life to grow your family.  You feel excitement.  You feel hopeful.  You feel motivated.  You are ready to tackle this home study full force and grow your family.

Let me warn you - you have no idea what you are about to begin.  While the home study seems daunting and never ending, it's the easy part.  In all honesty, that entire first year is the easy part.  They're going to tell you that the wait will be two to three years and you'll be hopeful that they are exaggerating to keep you from getting your hopes up.  You'll think surely it will happen sooner.  Trust me - it won't.

The next three years will be the hardest of your life.   Everything you've been through leading up to this point will seem like a breeze.  This will be the hardest trial of your life.  You will question everything.  You'll want to give up at times and will think its never going to happen.

There will come a point (because it's taken so long) that you will have to update your home study.  The home study that seems so doable and that you're so motivated to finish now will seem so much harder.  You'll think it's pointless and almost (just almost) decide not to do it.  Again, trust me.  Just do it.

Baby showers and pregnancy announcements will be the hardest.  You'll find it's often hard to be happy for others because you wonder why it couldn't be you.  You'll find that someone pregnant with their first doesn't seem to bother you as much as seconds, thirds, fourths, etc.  You'll have to learn to hold back emotions and do a lot of pretending.  I know you're not good at that, but you'll have to try.

You'll meet a birthmom that you think is your child's birthmom.  It won't go as planned and you'll be crushed.  Trust me.  That wasn't your baby.

A little over 3 years from now, you'll hit your lowest low.  You'll think its never going to happen.  You'll decide that God doesn't want you to have your heart's desire and you'll try to get willing for His will.  Hold on and don't give up just yet.

May 15, 2015, will be the day you have been waiting on every single day between now and then.  You'll get the call that you have a daughter.  May 17th, you will meet her.

Let me tell you, Holly.  Every single heartache, trial and worry will be completely worth it.  You'll realize that it was all leading you to the perfect child to complete your family.  She'll almost worship Dakota and he will her.  She'll be a Daddy's girl at times and Mommy's baby at times.  You'll watch her sleep and look back at the times you were so heartbroken and know every single day of waiting was worth it. 

Prepare yourself.  It will be a hard road and you'll be stronger on the other side.  You'll feel like giving up but don't.  Because the me that's writing to you now watching your daughter sleep while Jon and Dakota are talking in the next room knows her heart is full and it's all completely worth it.

Love,

Holly (Feb 2016)

PS. You'll decide that Emma (the name you've had picked out for a girl since before Dakota was born) is not her name.  Instead, you'll name her Sarah after Sarah in the Bible.

Unanswered Prayers

One year ago today, we got up on a Monday morning and headed south.  I had received a call on Black Friday about a baby that was already born and in foster care.  The birthmom had originally picked another family, but decided she didn’t like them and ended up going to our agency and picking us. 

We drove the long drive that morning, found our way around the city, and met with the guardian ad litem that had been assigned for the baby.  Later that day, we were able to meet with the birthmom.  We talked a little about ourselves and Dakota and she explained to us why she'd picked us.

We found a nice hotel that night.  Thank goodness my parents were taking care of Dakota, since he was in school at that time.  We ate supper at Taco Bell and then went back to our hotel and settled in for the night.  To say it was an awkward night is an understatement.

On Tuesday morning, we headed to court, only to find that it had been postponed.   We killed time until later that afternoon when we went to court.  We were there, along with the other couple (that she’d originally picked), a social worker, the birthparents, and the guardian ad litem.  During that court hearing, the birthmother made it very clear that she wanted us to adopt the child; however, the judge refused to rule on custody and instead decided to leave the child in foster care.  I left that day so heartbroken.  

We walked out of the courtroom and I broke down and cried.  Our attorney walked over and put his arms around me and just hugged me for a moment. Rick and Susan were absolutely wonderful during that time and I doubt I will ever forget them being there for us when we needed someone so badly.  We walked to our car and drove home with an empty car seat in the back.

The next few days were filled with turmoil.  We were still hopeful that we would eventually bring this little boy home; however, as the days progressed, we soon realized that this case was going to be much more complicated than we were prepared to deal with.  Although we had prayed and prayed for this little boy to come home with us, we came to the conclusion, along with our attorney, that this was not our son and decided to no longer proceed with the case.

My heart hurt.  I did not understand why this had happened.  Why had God sent us to this baby and not allowed us to bring him home? Couldn’t He have just allowed this not to happen? Why did we even have to know about this baby?  Why did we have to get our hopes up only to be crushed? 

As much as it hurt, we did truly believe that this was not our son. I had peace knowing this wasn’t our son, but I still didn’t understand why this happened.  I still can’t completely tell you why it happened, but, if for nothing else, it made me more thankful later down the road.

Garth Brooks had a song several years ago called “Unanswered Prayers.”  It said:

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers.

Remember when you’re talking to the man upstairs

That just because He doesn’t answer doesn’t mean He don’t care. 

Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.

I’m not sure that prayers ever actually go unanswered.  I’ve heard before that God answers every prayer you pray.  Sometimes, His answer is yes.  Sometimes, His answer is no.  And sometimes, His answer may be “not yet.”  Today, one year in the future, I am thankful that His answer last December was “not yet.” Had He answered that prayer, we wouldn’t have our precious baby girl today.  Sarah wouldn’t be a member of our family and she is the perfect addition to our family.

If you are still waiting or have gone through a failed adoption, I want to encourage you to hang on.  It is so hard to believe things are working out for the best when you're in the middle of a storm.  But sometimes, God’s greatest gifts come in the rainbow after the storm.

Jon's Testimony

I want to tell you the rest of the story of Sarah's adoption from Jon's point of view.  This is his testimony.

The Lord called me when I was 18 years old. I started to church and was really happy.  Several months later, I came down with appendicitis.  I ended up having to have two surgeries and stayed in the hospital for a good while. Not knowing if I was going to live or die, one night I found the room empty. I decided to pray.

I said, "Lord, if I'm going to die, I'm ready to go. I've got a better home waiting on me anyway.  But, if it's your will to spare me, may I have these things.  Would you send me a wife that would love me and I love her back? Lord, would you give us a good home to raise a family (I had a picture in my mind of the style I'd like).  Lord, would you let my first born child be a son and second be a girl?"

I got better after several months and got my strength back.  I was released with good reports from the doctors. Over time, I forgot about the prayer .

Right after I was saved, the Lord told me that I would marry a ministers daughter but I didn't know when or where.  I also knew she would play the piano for the church.  A couple of years later, after I fully recovered, I had decided to visit my brother at his church.  I was standing at the pulpit and a girl walked in.  The Lord told me that she would be my wife.  I didn't know who she was but I knew I was going to marry her.   Less than two years later, I married they piano - playing preacher's daughter.

About 4 years later, we were expecting our first child and had just bought a house.  We were on our way to find out the gender of the baby.  Holly asked me what I thought the baby would be. At first, I thought it had to be a girl because she was just too moody.  She asked me again a few minutes later and I replied with the same thing.  I wasn't two miles from the house when the Lord asked me if I remembered what I'd prayed that night in the hospital.  I said that I did and he said to expect it. I told Holly it was going to be a boy.  A few months later, we welcomed Dakota Paul into our lives.

When Dakota was born, Holly had some severe issues and I thought I was going to lose my wife and possibly my son.  The Lord sent a brother to anoint her with oil and everything started getting better.  Some time later, we were starting to talk about another child.  In my mind,  I was debating on whether to put Holly through that again or not.  Little did I know, Holly had a fear about having another child biologically.  We both felt like we got a sign that we should adopt.

We debated on whether to adopt internationally or domestically and I felt like we needed to adopt domestically.  We started looking at agencies and found one in Birmingham that interested us. We met with the agency and a few months (and lot of work) later were on a waiting list.

By that time,  I was trying to put this in the Lord's hands and trust that He would take care of it. The struggle for me was seeing the turmoil that the wait was putting on Holly.  Secretly, I struggled as well, but didn't say anything so I could stay strong for her.

After a while of seeing my wife so distressed, I began praying.  I'd pray when I was alone. One day, I was mowing the yard, making my rounds back and fourth in front of the house.  The Lord spoke to me and told me to look at my house.  I looked and just kept mowing.  Again,  a little stronger, I heard, "Look at your house." I looked again and said," Lord, I see it." I kept mowing.  On the third time, I heard, "Stop and look at your house." At this point, I thought something was wrong with the house.  I got off the mower and started looking at the house and questioning what God was trying to show me.  He said, "Do you remember what you asked me laying in the hospital?" I said, "Yes, Lord, I do."  He said, "Did you ask for a wife and didn't I give it? Did you ask for a house and didn't I give it? Did you ask for your firstborn to be a son? All these things have I not given you?" The only question I had was why because I didn't feel worthy.  His words were, "My word is true.  It says in my word, 'Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and anything that ye shall have need of shall be added unto you.' Does my word stand true?" That was the Lord's way of getting my attention to say to seek Him first and he'd finish it.

This past spring, we put a garden behind our house.  When everyone had left and I was alone, I said, "Lord, I'm trying to do the best I know.  Am I not doing enough? If I'm not,  please show me."  I asked Him once again to help us with this.  We were trying to be strong but it was saddening me to see Holly suffer.  Just a few days later, we were parents again to our beautiful daughter, Sarah.

If our story has taught me anything, it's that faith can move anything.  And it doesn't have to be a lot of faith.  At times, we had no more than a mustard seed.