A Year Later...

Tomorrow will mark the one year anniversary of the day we got the call that changed our lives.  Tuesday will make one year ago that Sarah came home.  In one way, it seems so fast while in another, it seems like she's been with us for years.

I've thought a lot this week about where we were a year ago.  At this time a year ago, we were still a family of three. We didn't know if or when we'd ever be a family of four. I imagine our plans for the upcoming weekend included celebrating Jon's 32nd birthday, attending a gospel singing on Friday night and who knows what else. We had no idea what was in store.

We went to the singing on Friday night not knowing that before we left, we would receive the call that would change our lives forever.  I still get teary eyed just thinking about how with that one phone call, three years of waiting, praying, hoping, crying, questioning, and wondering came to an end.   Well, let's me honest - the crying was far from over but now it's happy tears.

I remember standing in that church parking lot and listening to Susan tell us all about this little girl.  I remember feeling like it wasn't really happening.  I think sometimes when you've waited for something so long, it's hard to believe it when it finally does happen.

Sunday morning, May 17th, we were supposed to wait for a call to leave home but we couldn't wait and finally started out on faith.  We stopped at a tool shop somewhere on the way, but realized we didn't have cell phone service so left pretty quickly.  We finally stopped at a flea market and about as soon as we walked in the door, my phone rang.  It was Rick, our attorney, telling us that she was being released from the hospital and we could take her home.

After killing a little time at the flea market, we met Rick and Susan at the hospital. Before we were introduced to her, they dressed her with an outfit that said, "I was worth the wait." Oh how true that was.  We dressed in the all too familiar NICU attire and prepared to meet our daughter.  Susan took pictures for us as we met this precious little girl.  Those pictures are treasures to me.  I'm so thankful to be able to see our faces as we saw our daughter for the first time.

Those first few days felt so surreal. Now, a year later, my heart is still so happy. I'm finally content and feel complete.  I can't explain the feeling of having us all together.  Completeness is the closest I can come.

To those still waiting, please remember that you never know when your call will come.  There were times I was ready to give up.  I convinced myself that God wasn't going to give me the desire of my heart.  After 3 years, it felt almost too hard to keep going.

Have you seen the picture floating around Facebook of the men digging for treasure and the one guy gives up right before he gets to the treasure? If we would have given up, that would've been us.  We were so close - we just couldn't see it.

I think everyone who has adopted and had to wait a long time will tell you it was worth the wait.  That isn't downplaying the wait.  It's hard. I still say that was one of the hardest things in my life.  But on May 17, 2015, every single day became worth it. That's not an exaggeration or figure of speech.  It's the truth.

Letter to Me Four Years Ago

Four years ago today is when I consider we officially began our adoption journey.  We met with our agency for the first time and decided that was the path and agency we would follow.  In honor of that anniversary, I decided to write a letter to myself....here's what I would tell myself if I could send a note to me four years ago.

Dear Holly (Feb 2012):

Right now, you are excited.  You and Jon have just made the decision to grow your family by adoption.  You feel relief that you won't have to risk your life to grow your family.  You feel excitement.  You feel hopeful.  You feel motivated.  You are ready to tackle this home study full force and grow your family.

Let me warn you - you have no idea what you are about to begin.  While the home study seems daunting and never ending, it's the easy part.  In all honesty, that entire first year is the easy part.  They're going to tell you that the wait will be two to three years and you'll be hopeful that they are exaggerating to keep you from getting your hopes up.  You'll think surely it will happen sooner.  Trust me - it won't.

The next three years will be the hardest of your life.   Everything you've been through leading up to this point will seem like a breeze.  This will be the hardest trial of your life.  You will question everything.  You'll want to give up at times and will think its never going to happen.

There will come a point (because it's taken so long) that you will have to update your home study.  The home study that seems so doable and that you're so motivated to finish now will seem so much harder.  You'll think it's pointless and almost (just almost) decide not to do it.  Again, trust me.  Just do it.

Baby showers and pregnancy announcements will be the hardest.  You'll find it's often hard to be happy for others because you wonder why it couldn't be you.  You'll find that someone pregnant with their first doesn't seem to bother you as much as seconds, thirds, fourths, etc.  You'll have to learn to hold back emotions and do a lot of pretending.  I know you're not good at that, but you'll have to try.

You'll meet a birthmom that you think is your child's birthmom.  It won't go as planned and you'll be crushed.  Trust me.  That wasn't your baby.

A little over 3 years from now, you'll hit your lowest low.  You'll think its never going to happen.  You'll decide that God doesn't want you to have your heart's desire and you'll try to get willing for His will.  Hold on and don't give up just yet.

May 15, 2015, will be the day you have been waiting on every single day between now and then.  You'll get the call that you have a daughter.  May 17th, you will meet her.

Let me tell you, Holly.  Every single heartache, trial and worry will be completely worth it.  You'll realize that it was all leading you to the perfect child to complete your family.  She'll almost worship Dakota and he will her.  She'll be a Daddy's girl at times and Mommy's baby at times.  You'll watch her sleep and look back at the times you were so heartbroken and know every single day of waiting was worth it. 

Prepare yourself.  It will be a hard road and you'll be stronger on the other side.  You'll feel like giving up but don't.  Because the me that's writing to you now watching your daughter sleep while Jon and Dakota are talking in the next room knows her heart is full and it's all completely worth it.

Love,

Holly (Feb 2016)

PS. You'll decide that Emma (the name you've had picked out for a girl since before Dakota was born) is not her name.  Instead, you'll name her Sarah after Sarah in the Bible.

Unanswered Prayers

One year ago today, we got up on a Monday morning and headed south.  I had received a call on Black Friday about a baby that was already born and in foster care.  The birthmom had originally picked another family, but decided she didn’t like them and ended up going to our agency and picking us. 

We drove the long drive that morning, found our way around the city, and met with the guardian ad litem that had been assigned for the baby.  Later that day, we were able to meet with the birthmom.  We talked a little about ourselves and Dakota and she explained to us why she'd picked us.

We found a nice hotel that night.  Thank goodness my parents were taking care of Dakota, since he was in school at that time.  We ate supper at Taco Bell and then went back to our hotel and settled in for the night.  To say it was an awkward night is an understatement.

On Tuesday morning, we headed to court, only to find that it had been postponed.   We killed time until later that afternoon when we went to court.  We were there, along with the other couple (that she’d originally picked), a social worker, the birthparents, and the guardian ad litem.  During that court hearing, the birthmother made it very clear that she wanted us to adopt the child; however, the judge refused to rule on custody and instead decided to leave the child in foster care.  I left that day so heartbroken.  

We walked out of the courtroom and I broke down and cried.  Our attorney walked over and put his arms around me and just hugged me for a moment. Rick and Susan were absolutely wonderful during that time and I doubt I will ever forget them being there for us when we needed someone so badly.  We walked to our car and drove home with an empty car seat in the back.

The next few days were filled with turmoil.  We were still hopeful that we would eventually bring this little boy home; however, as the days progressed, we soon realized that this case was going to be much more complicated than we were prepared to deal with.  Although we had prayed and prayed for this little boy to come home with us, we came to the conclusion, along with our attorney, that this was not our son and decided to no longer proceed with the case.

My heart hurt.  I did not understand why this had happened.  Why had God sent us to this baby and not allowed us to bring him home? Couldn’t He have just allowed this not to happen? Why did we even have to know about this baby?  Why did we have to get our hopes up only to be crushed? 

As much as it hurt, we did truly believe that this was not our son. I had peace knowing this wasn’t our son, but I still didn’t understand why this happened.  I still can’t completely tell you why it happened, but, if for nothing else, it made me more thankful later down the road.

Garth Brooks had a song several years ago called “Unanswered Prayers.”  It said:

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers.

Remember when you’re talking to the man upstairs

That just because He doesn’t answer doesn’t mean He don’t care. 

Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.

I’m not sure that prayers ever actually go unanswered.  I’ve heard before that God answers every prayer you pray.  Sometimes, His answer is yes.  Sometimes, His answer is no.  And sometimes, His answer may be “not yet.”  Today, one year in the future, I am thankful that His answer last December was “not yet.” Had He answered that prayer, we wouldn’t have our precious baby girl today.  Sarah wouldn’t be a member of our family and she is the perfect addition to our family.

If you are still waiting or have gone through a failed adoption, I want to encourage you to hang on.  It is so hard to believe things are working out for the best when you're in the middle of a storm.  But sometimes, God’s greatest gifts come in the rainbow after the storm.

Jon's Testimony

I want to tell you the rest of the story of Sarah's adoption from Jon's point of view.  This is his testimony.

The Lord called me when I was 18 years old. I started to church and was really happy.  Several months later, I came down with appendicitis.  I ended up having to have two surgeries and stayed in the hospital for a good while. Not knowing if I was going to live or die, one night I found the room empty. I decided to pray.

I said, "Lord, if I'm going to die, I'm ready to go. I've got a better home waiting on me anyway.  But, if it's your will to spare me, may I have these things.  Would you send me a wife that would love me and I love her back? Lord, would you give us a good home to raise a family (I had a picture in my mind of the style I'd like).  Lord, would you let my first born child be a son and second be a girl?"

I got better after several months and got my strength back.  I was released with good reports from the doctors. Over time, I forgot about the prayer .

Right after I was saved, the Lord told me that I would marry a ministers daughter but I didn't know when or where.  I also knew she would play the piano for the church.  A couple of years later, after I fully recovered, I had decided to visit my brother at his church.  I was standing at the pulpit and a girl walked in.  The Lord told me that she would be my wife.  I didn't know who she was but I knew I was going to marry her.   Less than two years later, I married they piano - playing preacher's daughter.

About 4 years later, we were expecting our first child and had just bought a house.  We were on our way to find out the gender of the baby.  Holly asked me what I thought the baby would be. At first, I thought it had to be a girl because she was just too moody.  She asked me again a few minutes later and I replied with the same thing.  I wasn't two miles from the house when the Lord asked me if I remembered what I'd prayed that night in the hospital.  I said that I did and he said to expect it. I told Holly it was going to be a boy.  A few months later, we welcomed Dakota Paul into our lives.

When Dakota was born, Holly had some severe issues and I thought I was going to lose my wife and possibly my son.  The Lord sent a brother to anoint her with oil and everything started getting better.  Some time later, we were starting to talk about another child.  In my mind,  I was debating on whether to put Holly through that again or not.  Little did I know, Holly had a fear about having another child biologically.  We both felt like we got a sign that we should adopt.

We debated on whether to adopt internationally or domestically and I felt like we needed to adopt domestically.  We started looking at agencies and found one in Birmingham that interested us. We met with the agency and a few months (and lot of work) later were on a waiting list.

By that time,  I was trying to put this in the Lord's hands and trust that He would take care of it. The struggle for me was seeing the turmoil that the wait was putting on Holly.  Secretly, I struggled as well, but didn't say anything so I could stay strong for her.

After a while of seeing my wife so distressed, I began praying.  I'd pray when I was alone. One day, I was mowing the yard, making my rounds back and fourth in front of the house.  The Lord spoke to me and told me to look at my house.  I looked and just kept mowing.  Again,  a little stronger, I heard, "Look at your house." I looked again and said," Lord, I see it." I kept mowing.  On the third time, I heard, "Stop and look at your house." At this point, I thought something was wrong with the house.  I got off the mower and started looking at the house and questioning what God was trying to show me.  He said, "Do you remember what you asked me laying in the hospital?" I said, "Yes, Lord, I do."  He said, "Did you ask for a wife and didn't I give it? Did you ask for a house and didn't I give it? Did you ask for your firstborn to be a son? All these things have I not given you?" The only question I had was why because I didn't feel worthy.  His words were, "My word is true.  It says in my word, 'Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and anything that ye shall have need of shall be added unto you.' Does my word stand true?" That was the Lord's way of getting my attention to say to seek Him first and he'd finish it.

This past spring, we put a garden behind our house.  When everyone had left and I was alone, I said, "Lord, I'm trying to do the best I know.  Am I not doing enough? If I'm not,  please show me."  I asked Him once again to help us with this.  We were trying to be strong but it was saddening me to see Holly suffer.  Just a few days later, we were parents again to our beautiful daughter, Sarah.

If our story has taught me anything, it's that faith can move anything.  And it doesn't have to be a lot of faith.  At times, we had no more than a mustard seed.

Introducing...

It’s been a while since I’ve posted, but we can finally announce to the world – we are now officially a family of four.  I can now share the story of how we went from three to four.

If you’ve read my previous posts (or if you’ve been affected by adoption), you know that it’s an extremely emotional roller coaster ride.  One minute, you’re hopeful.  The next minute, you question whether it will ever happen.  In late April, I became extremely disheartened.  I asked for a sign and didn’t get it.  In my mind, I was terrified that this was God telling me it wasn’t going to happen.  My nerves were shot.  I cried.   I was downhearted.  I was a wreck.  Jon told me what to do.  He said to write down my prayer on a piece of paper, throw it up in the air and let God have it.  I tried to do this.  It was so hard to let it go, but I began to try to prepare myself for the fact that it might not happen.  In my mind, that was part of letting God have it – being ok with either outcome.  When people would ask about the adoption, I would now say “if” it happens instead of “when.”  It wasn’t that I wasn’t having faith – but rather trying to prepare for the fact that it might not be God’s will.

On Friday, May 1^st, we went to a gospel singing.  I heard a song called “When I Lay My Isaac Down.” The song talked about how Abraham had prayed for Isaac and once Isaac arrived, he had to be willing to sacrifice him.  In the end, it wasn’t Isaac that God wanted, but he wanted Abraham.  He wanted to be put first and once Abraham did that, God provided for him.  When I heard those words, I sat in that church and, again, cried like a baby.  The tears were flowing and there was no stopping them.  I realized in that moment that it wasn’t that God didn’t want to send us a baby.  But I had to be willing to put Him first and be willing for His will.

Two weeks to the day later, we went to a singing at my mother-in-law’s church.  We had gone to the fellowship hall during intermission to grab a bite to eat.  For some reason, while we were there, I looked down at my phone and noticed we’d missed a call.  The area code indicated the same area as our agency so I thought I’d better call it back.  When I did, it was Susan from our agency.  She had a “situation” to tell us about.  Jon and I quickly found my parents for Dakota to stay with and we went outside near our car to talk to her on speaker. 

She began telling us about this baby girl that had been born April 18^th.  She had been born a little early and was still in the NICU. They were expecting her to be released that weekend.  She told us a little about the situation and asked if we were interested.  Of course, we said, “YES!”  It seemed so surreal to me.   We had waited for three years for that call and it was finally happening. She said, “I guess we thought you’d say that because we’ve already got the paperwork ready.”  We were to go home and wait to hear from them the next day.

Needless to say, we left the singing and headed home.  We tried to do work in the house to make sure everything was ready to bring a baby home. 

Now, if you’ve read previous posts, you’ve seen me refer to the name “EJ.” This was because we had “Emma” picked out for a girl and “Jacob” picked out for a boy.  On that Friday night, I asked Jon what if we changed.  I thought about Sarah in the Bible and how she’d had to wait so long to have a baby.  I thought the name, “Sarah” was fitting for her.  We’d talked about that name before and quickly decided that her name was going to be “Sarah Grace” instead of “Emma Grace.”

We got a call from our attorney, Rick, on Saturday saying they were expecting release on Sunday.  He wanted us to wait at home until we heard back from him.  Saturday afternoon, we decided to go out to eat with my parents.  Jon’s birthday was on Sunday and we knew we’d be busy, so we decided to celebrate early.  The whole time, everything still felt so surreal.  Was our wait finally over? Or would this one fall through?

On Sunday morning, we got up and got ready.  We’d realized the city she was in was a little further away than we initially thought so we decided, on faith, to start driving that way. The three of us loaded up in our car and started driving.  Rick called when we were about 20 minutes from home and said the doctor hadn’t been in yet.  We decided to drive on a piece and I could stop by the office and grab my laptop, since I’d likely be out of work for a while.  We did that and then stopped at a Walmart not too far down the road. (Not much else is open that early on Sunday morning.)

Our plans had been to kill time there until we heard from Rick.  When we got through at Walmart, Jon decided to just start driving that way. I questioned whether we should, but Jon said, "Oh ye of little faith." We ended up about 45 minutes to an hour from the hospital at a flea market.  We’d just walked in the flea market when Rick called.  He had talked to the doctor and they were releasing her.  That moment, standing outside a flea market in Warrior, AL, I realized that this was really happening.

We met Rick & Susan at the hospital a little while later.  They went back, made sure they were ready for us, and then five of us (Jon, Dakota, Rick, Susan & I) went back.  We put on our NICU hospital gowns, which brought back memories since Dakota spent a week in the NICU, himself.  The hospital set us up in a little “room” that reminded me of an ICU room – just a little curtained-in room.  They brought out stickers and activity pages for Dakota.  We nervously waited.

We heard a baby cry and they wheeled this beautiful little girl around into our room.  I picked her up from the bed and handed her to her big brother.  In that moment, we became a family of four.  It still felt surreal, but it was oh so real.  We held her for a while and had some bonding time. We signed papers and fed her before getting ready to leave.  Rick and Susan had given her a beautiful outfit that said, “I was worth the wait.” Right before time to eat, I changed her and she peed on it. So, she got to wear her “Little Sister” sleeper home.

After feeding time, the hospital went over discharge papers with us and we put her into the car seat. We walked out of the hospital as she was rolled out on a little baby bed.  We got in the car, pulled out and headed home.

Throughout the next week, reality set in on me.  We were finally here.  The wait was finally over.  We were a family of four.

Dakota is absolutely in love with his baby sister.  He is VERY protective of her.  She absolutely adores him, as well.  I am so thankful they have each other.  I always thought I wanted them closer in age.  That was even one of the things that added to the wait was knowing he was getting older.  In the end, I think they are the perfect number of years apart.

The last four months have been wonderful.  I am so happy to have my family complete. I had wondered how it would be with one biological and one adopted child, but it really isn’t any different, at least as far as how much you love them.  It is hard sometimes keeping up with two, but I am absolutely in love with being a mom of two.  I am no longer waiting for and wondering if my family will ever be complete.

Still praying but no longer hoping & waiting…

Things Happen for a Reason

It’s been a while since I’ve updated my blog.  We have definitely had a lot going on over the past couple of months so I figured it was time to update.

We had somewhat of a failed adoption in early December.  The day after Thanksgiving, I got a call from our lawyer that there was a situation that he was cautiously optimistic about.  However, because DHR was involved (and other legal issues), we needed to meet some people related to this case so we prepared to travel.  Over the weekend, we prepared.  We went out and bought little boy items (because due to the gift I received here, I had mostly girl items), bought the monitor, put together the pack and play, installed the car seat, and made sure the house was ready for a baby.  On Sunday, we met with our lawyer and then traveled to the baby’s location on Monday.  We prayed, we asked others to pray, and we proceeded anxiously.  We met with the birth mom and felt hopeful.  Legally, we should have won the case and brought the baby home.  To make a long story short, things ended up getting very complicated very fast.  It was going to be a long drawn out battle and after discussing with our attorney, we all decided it would be best for us to back out.

I was crushed.  I knew this just meant this wasn't our baby but it still hurt.  It still hurts.  I wonder about him.  What happened to him? Is he OK? Did another couple adopt him or is he still in DHR care? What happened to the birth parents? Were they mad that we backed out?

 

I don’t understand why we had to go through that but someday, I probably will.  Maybe, if nothing else, it reassured us of our love for our agency and it taught me that I truly would be OK with either a boy or girl this time around. I mean, let’s face it, as much as I would love to have a little girl, I do have a boy and know how to take care of one of those.  And I’m not a very girly girl either. Unless you’re showing me a reptile…then, I’m as girly as they come.

You know how they say everything happens for a reason?  Well, in hindsight, had we brought that little boy home, we would have had a rough couple of months.  He wouldn't have been in a normal routine yet.   Less than a week after we backed out of the adoption, my six year old came down with strep throat, which means he would have had to stay away from the baby.  Then, a week and a half later, he came down with the flu.  The baby would've likely been a month old before his big brother could even start spoiling him.

Then, came the big kicker.  Dakota's flu diagnosis was the Sunday before Christmas.  Two days later, I began not feeling too well.  I assumed I was likely coming down with the flu as well.  That night, I started hurting but attributed it to endometriosis.  Christmas Eve came and I felt miserable all day.  I was just very uncomfortable throughout my abdomen.  Although I did research on appendicitis and knew it was a possibility, I wasn't doing like most people.  I wasn't throwing up, bent over in pain, etc.  So I thought maybe it was gas pains and went on.  I didn't want to go to the ER on Christmas Eve and mess up Christmas for my son.  Christmas Day arrived and I was still miserable.  Dakota enjoyed his gifts from Santa and from us.  We then went to my parents for our annual Christmas morning breakfast and gifts.  It was all I could do to eat a few bites and I got through the gift opening but I was still miserable.   Finally, after everything was done, I sat down in their recliner and watched as Dakota played with his new toys.  I realized I couldn't even enjoy my son on Christmas Day and there was no way I could work the following day feeling this.  I called my family doctor (who was on call) and after a lot of questioning, finally said I needed to go to the ER just to make sure it wasn't appendicitis. 

Now, let me explain something.  I get sick probably 3 or 4 times a year with sinusitis but that’s about it.  I have never (since I've been old enough to remember) been to the ER for myself.  This was a first for me.  They got me back quickly and after blood work, xrays, and a CT scan, discovered that I did in fact have appendicitis.  I told Jon I must have been bad for Santa to bring me that. I had surgery on Christmas night.  From there, things actually got worse before getting better.  Five and a half weeks and 3 additional hospital visits later, I finally feel like maybe I’m on the road to recovery. 

Remember how I said everything happens for a reason? Well, imagine if during all this time, I’d had a newborn.  I couldn't even take care of myself part of the time, much less another human.  Thank God for my parents and my husband during this time, but what if they’d had a newborn to take care of as well?  It saddens me to think of how that baby wouldn't have gotten the attention that he deserved during those few weeks.

I have to convince myself that God knew what was ahead for us and knew that we wouldn't be able to care for a baby very well during that time.  I still question things – like why couldn't we take that little boy home and me NOT get sick?  However, I know that little boy wasn't our son.  And most likely, that realization will make it so much sweeter once our son or daughter does arrive.

Still waiting, hoping, and praying…

Helping Each Other

Just over a year ago, our family was struck with the dreaded "c" word.  My dad found out he had an aggressive form of prostate cancer. Regardless of how treatable they say the disease is, when they tell someone you love that they have cancer, its scary.  The day we found out, we were so upset.  I tried to be strong for my mom but I remember coming home to get something and talking with my friend, Stephanie, and just feeling like I could finally talk about how scared I was. 

Shortly after hearing the news, our insurance agent had just so happened to ask how he was doing and I'd told her what we'd been told.  Before I got home that day, he had already gotten a phone call from her pastor.  He had been there.  He had just had surgery for prostate cancer.  He was able to help dad through his battle.

Today, on the way home from work, Dad called the man to check on him.  You see, a few months ago, this brother found out that his cancer had returned.  This time, this man had to have radiation.  Now, Dad was able to be there for him.  He can talk to him from a "been there, done that" stand point.  I started thinking of how weird (for lack of a better word) it was that the circle had come full force.  He was first able to be an ear for Dad and now Dad's able to be an ear for him.  I'm sure it has to help each of them to have someone who's actually been through it.

I remember about two weeks ago when I was so discouraged.  I sat in our church and looked around thinking "There is NO ONE who understands this.  Not a soul in this building has been there and can understand what I'm going through."  Jon said he did, and while I know he probably understood more than anyone there, he still couldn't understand it from a woman's standpoint (at least according to my mind).

Later that night, I was talking to him and told he what I had thought.  Among many other things, he reminded me that someday, some woman will go through this same exact thing and I (of all people) will be able to help her...those other people won't because they've never been there. I hope that is true, not because I want another woman to suffer, but I want to be able to help someone else.  If when its all said and done, my trials will allow me to offer just a small word of encouragement to another person, then it will be worth it.

I remember growing up, my mom would often remind me what a dear friend of ours would say: there is never a trial that you go through that someone else hasn't already been through.  Sometimes, we don't talk about our trials and heartaches for fear of what others would think, when in actuality, talking about that very trial might be just what they need to hear. I've come to realize lately that sometimes the very things that we don't want to talk about - maybe we're ashamed that we've had that trial or that fight - are the things that help others.  Maybe it lets them know they're not alone, that someone else has "been there." We don't help others by acting perfect all the time...we help others by admitting we're not perfect.  So know that through this journey or any journey, I'm not perfect...I've had emotions, a little bit (maybe more) jealously, and trials.  But I'm still standing.

Still waiting, hoping, and praying...

Wishes (Not Resolutions) and Reflections

We are almost through with 2013.  Almost gone! Can you believe it?  This past year has been pretty stable for us.  We’ve had some health scares – most notably with my dad this year as he was diagnosed with the “c” word.  Thank God it was one of the most treatable types though, prostate.  We are hoping for great news when he goes back to the doctor next month for the results of his radiation treatment. 

Jon gave me a scare earlier this year when he woke me up one night and couldn’t talk.  After a weekend in the hospital, it came down to being related to migraines and our wonderful family doctor gave him a couple of tips that would change his life.  One was suggesting that he take 400mg of magnesium oxide daily.  He had heard at a conference that this might help migraines.  He’s tried it and wow has it been successful.  Jon was having migraines almost daily and now rarely has one unless he’s skipped his medicine.  The second thing was putting him on a medicine to help keep his heart from jumping out of rhythm (he would occasionally notice it beating faster, confirmed it on a monitor that he wore, and the doctor thought this might be related to the migraines as well).  This has acted as an anxiety reducer for Jon.  When he takes the medicine, he is a much calmer, happier person.  Believe me, our world has changed (for the better) with these two tips!

I am so thankful that we were able to have a wonderful Christmas with my parents this year.  When you see others losing their parents and loved ones, it makes you thankful for the time you have with your own.  Most of the day was just Mom, Dad, Dakota, me and Jon (when he wasn’t hunting).  It was so peaceful and we laughed like we hadn’t laughed in a while.  The thing that touched me the most of all of our gifts actually happened a few days before (but Dakota opened it on Christmas day).  Mom bought the baby a Christmas present! It made my heart happy that she cared enough and thought enough about our future child that she would buy it a Christmas present before it even arrived. 

The weekend before Christmas, my wonderful, talented hubby began building the changing table.  It is going to be great when it’s finished.  He’s started staining it but needs to sand and stain again.  It’s a great height – higher than the older one so it should be less strain on the back.  Plenty of storage room and some of the shelves have doors that close (his first time adding doors to something!).  He’s so talented but I think he gets frustrated with me asking him to build so much for me.  He’d love to be able to make money at it and every time he talks about it, I start telling him what all I want him to build for us.  I just love that he's so good at it and would love for every piece of wood furniture or cabinets in our home to be built by him.

Several people had mentioned that maybe we would get a baby for Christmas.  In hindsight, I’m glad we didn’t.  Why? Well, for one thing, Dakota ended up being sick the week before Christmas with RSV and our pediatrician told us that if we got a call to get a baby before Christmas Day, that Dakota would have to stay away from the baby.  I didn’t want that.  Then, over the weekend, Jon & I were both sick.  I surely wouldn’t want the baby to come in and get sick right away!

There are a couple of other reasons I’m OK with it, but I would’ve been perfectly fine with these things if the baby had come. I like even numbers.  I was born on an even numbered day and year (not month), I got married on all even numbers, Dakota was born on all even numbers….I just like even numbers. So, in my world of even numberness (I know that's not a word), 2014 seems like a better year for a birthday than 2013.  (See I’m crazy, right? )  Also, I already have one child with a birthday in December and it is rough.  It is too close to Christmas and you feel like the child gets a little cheated because everything is so close, not to mention the financial impact of Christmas being so close to birthday/birthday party time.  With that being said, if I get a call tomorrow to come get a baby that was born on Christmas day, I will be fine with that.  I would be much more concerned with this cold that I still have (or whatever it is) than the year or month of the baby’s birthday.

So, what are my wishes for 2014?  Of course, as I’m sure a lot of women would say, I’d like to lose weight.  I had started losing weight and had gotten down almost 19lbs but then the holidays hit.  Vacation, Halloween, my birthday, Thanksgiving, Dakota’s birthday, and then all the Christmas parties hit and I decided to wait until after the first of the year to go back to my diet.

I wish all of my family stays healthy and happy.  I wish my church family stays close and continues to grow.  I love those people and they really are like family instead of acquaintances.    I want to do more for others.  I feel like I don’t do nearly enough when it comes to helping those less fortunate or in need.  I want to get some bills paid off, definitely.  I would like to do better keeping things caught up at home and maybe even give Dakota some basic chores.

I’m sure you can guess one of my biggest 2014 wishes…our baby.  Oh how I hope and wish that 2014 is the year.  Please let our baby be on the way!  The wall in the baby’s room says: “For this child I have prayed and the Lord has granted the desires of my heart. -1 Samuel  1:27”  Half of that verse is true – I’m so anxious for the other half to be true as well!

Still hoping, praying and waiting...

Big Brother

We have tried to prepare Dakota for being a big brother. Sometimes, I think he gets it. Other times, not so much. I'm trying (at advice of others) to make sure he does not feel "left out." He hears us talk about the adoption, baby, and his brother/sister quiet often though. I don't want him to worry about what life will be like after the baby gets here. I don't want him to think we will love him less because there's a new baby around. I want him to "get it" but he's just 4.

Our church believes in praying on our knees. When we have prayer at church, everyone will get on their knees and pray together. One night a few months ago, Dakota and I were kneeling down at church. I told him to not forget to pray for his brother-sister. This is what I hear:

Lord, please send me a brother-sister. Please send the right one. We'll take good care of it.

Now, you can imagine what this did to my heart. It almost makes me cry just typing it. Maybe he does get it. Maybe he understands it ALL. What better prayer could be prayed? We do want the "right" one - the baby that is meant to be in our little family, that will flourish with us, and that's meant for us. Sometimes we get greedy and want things to happen NOW. I want my baby NOW. I want my family to be complete NOW. But this isn't really about what I want. This is about His plan. We want the right one at the right time and only He knows that.

If you could tell from the picture of the nursery, I am decorating with giraffes. There's not some poetic meaning behind it. I just like giraffes and thought they would go well with that color (Tinkerbell green). I had found a Melissa & Doug stuffed giraffe that was about 5' tall and I loved it - it would be the perfect addition to the nursery. The only issue is that it was VERY expensive. I could NOT make myself pay that much. This week, Amazon offered a deal on that very giraffe for about 46% off plus free shipping. I decided to go for it because I figured I would regret it later if I didn't. No where was selling it that cheap and even if they did, would definitely not offer free shipping with it.

 

When I got to Mom's that night, I told Dakota about buying the giraffe for the baby's room. I said a little bit about maybe it could be the baby's Christmas present because I didn't want him to feel bad for the baby's room getting a new addition. A little while later, he walked into the kitchen with a little giraffe toy and said, "This is for the baby's room." Then, a few minutes later, he had a tiny little stuffed giraffe that he also wanted to take home for the baby's room. When we got home, he took those two little animals and placed them next to another stuffed giraffe that I had placed in there. He was so proud that he got to help put something in there and "finish" it.

I am dreaming of the day that we can do the "big brother/little brother" or "big brother/little sister" pictures and my family will be complete. I'm sure we'll have at least some jealousy and as they get older, they'll argue and fight, but overall, I believe Dakota will be a good big brother. But for now, we'll just keep waiting and preparing...

Baby EJ - Mommy, Daddy & Big Brother are waiting for you!

Learning Me...

Welcome to my blog! I've been wanting to do a blog for a long time but just never got around to it.  Well, we've lived in our current home for about 5 years and just got internet for the first time....so what better time to start? I figured I would start out by telling you 25 things that you may or may not know about me. So here goes!

1. I've been married to Jon for 9 years.
2. We have 1 son, Dakota.  We are currently trying to adopt our second child.
3. I love to play piano and sing.
4. Although I like different types of music, I love Southern Gospel and Country the most.
5. I am a conservative Christian.  I don't believe that I should force my views on anyone else, but I do believe like most typical conservatives. 
6. I love my family. This may sound silly, but so many people aren't close to their families.  I'm thankful for mine.
7. My very best friend and I have been friends longer than we can remember.  We've been friends since before kindergarten and continue that friendship to this day.  I was her maid of honor and she was my matron of honor. 
8. I love college football.  I rarely miss watching an Alabama game in the fall (even when its on pay-per-view).  I love watching and discussing college football with my dad.
9. I am a Disney fan - I love going to Disney World.  I missed part of the SEC Championship game (see #8) last year because we were at Disney - that's a big deal in my world.  I love the rides, the atmosphere, and the "magic."
10. Some of my favorite movies of all time are Facing the Giants, Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King, and The Blind Side.
11. I am an only child.  Although there have been a few times I was ok with it, now that I'm older I understand the need for a sibling.
12. Bugs love me - I have trouble staying outside over a few minutes during the summer because mosquitos eat me alive!  I hate having to put insect repellent on to be outside for just a few minutes.
13. I love reality shows. Some of my favorites are: American Idol, The Voice, Big Brother, Survivor, and The Amazing Race.
14. I never watched Duck Dynasty for over 2 minutes during the first two seasons.  Jon made me watch an episode during season 3 and now I'm addicted!
15. I'm a closet worrier.  I tend to hold it in and not show my worry so much, but deep down, I worry.  Sometimes, I think holding it in makes it worse.
16.  My birth middle name was a combination of my mother's first name and my paternal grandmother's name.
17.  Both my husband and I were named after characters on soap operas.  My mom got the name "Holly" from Guiding Light and Jon's name came from "Jonathan" on Hart to Hart.  If I spelled that wrong, please overlook me and remember, I'm talking about a show that was popular when I was born!
18. I absolutely hate snakes. As a comedian once said, they move without legs - they are OF THE DEVIL!
19. I love to laugh.  I know everyone enjoy laughter, but I really love to laugh. I love a good, clean comedian or just watching funny game show moments on YouTube.
20. I fall - randomly.  I may be just walking along and all of a sudden fall down.  I can't help it - I must have weak ankles or something. 
21. I've lived within a 5 mile radius my entire life.
22. I go to and love a small church.
23. My favorite TV show of all time is Friends.  Sometimes situations arise and all I can think about is a quote from Friends that is relevant.  For example, if I suddenly understand something, in my mind I'll think "I su-stand."  If something is irrelevant, I'll think "that's a moo point." 
24. I help direct our church Christmas play.  This past Christmas was our 3rd program and all three years I wrote or helped write the main play.
25. Growing up and even once grown, part of me always wanted to be a teacher.  But I'm not - I work as an IT Analyst.

Well, I hope you've enjoyed reading the 25 things you may or may not know about me!  Until next time, America!

Ciao!