Jon's Testimony

I want to tell you the rest of the story of Sarah's adoption from Jon's point of view.  This is his testimony.

The Lord called me when I was 18 years old. I started to church and was really happy.  Several months later, I came down with appendicitis.  I ended up having to have two surgeries and stayed in the hospital for a good while. Not knowing if I was going to live or die, one night I found the room empty. I decided to pray.

I said, "Lord, if I'm going to die, I'm ready to go. I've got a better home waiting on me anyway.  But, if it's your will to spare me, may I have these things.  Would you send me a wife that would love me and I love her back? Lord, would you give us a good home to raise a family (I had a picture in my mind of the style I'd like).  Lord, would you let my first born child be a son and second be a girl?"

I got better after several months and got my strength back.  I was released with good reports from the doctors. Over time, I forgot about the prayer .

Right after I was saved, the Lord told me that I would marry a ministers daughter but I didn't know when or where.  I also knew she would play the piano for the church.  A couple of years later, after I fully recovered, I had decided to visit my brother at his church.  I was standing at the pulpit and a girl walked in.  The Lord told me that she would be my wife.  I didn't know who she was but I knew I was going to marry her.   Less than two years later, I married they piano - playing preacher's daughter.

About 4 years later, we were expecting our first child and had just bought a house.  We were on our way to find out the gender of the baby.  Holly asked me what I thought the baby would be. At first, I thought it had to be a girl because she was just too moody.  She asked me again a few minutes later and I replied with the same thing.  I wasn't two miles from the house when the Lord asked me if I remembered what I'd prayed that night in the hospital.  I said that I did and he said to expect it. I told Holly it was going to be a boy.  A few months later, we welcomed Dakota Paul into our lives.

When Dakota was born, Holly had some severe issues and I thought I was going to lose my wife and possibly my son.  The Lord sent a brother to anoint her with oil and everything started getting better.  Some time later, we were starting to talk about another child.  In my mind,  I was debating on whether to put Holly through that again or not.  Little did I know, Holly had a fear about having another child biologically.  We both felt like we got a sign that we should adopt.

We debated on whether to adopt internationally or domestically and I felt like we needed to adopt domestically.  We started looking at agencies and found one in Birmingham that interested us. We met with the agency and a few months (and lot of work) later were on a waiting list.

By that time,  I was trying to put this in the Lord's hands and trust that He would take care of it. The struggle for me was seeing the turmoil that the wait was putting on Holly.  Secretly, I struggled as well, but didn't say anything so I could stay strong for her.

After a while of seeing my wife so distressed, I began praying.  I'd pray when I was alone. One day, I was mowing the yard, making my rounds back and fourth in front of the house.  The Lord spoke to me and told me to look at my house.  I looked and just kept mowing.  Again,  a little stronger, I heard, "Look at your house." I looked again and said," Lord, I see it." I kept mowing.  On the third time, I heard, "Stop and look at your house." At this point, I thought something was wrong with the house.  I got off the mower and started looking at the house and questioning what God was trying to show me.  He said, "Do you remember what you asked me laying in the hospital?" I said, "Yes, Lord, I do."  He said, "Did you ask for a wife and didn't I give it? Did you ask for a house and didn't I give it? Did you ask for your firstborn to be a son? All these things have I not given you?" The only question I had was why because I didn't feel worthy.  His words were, "My word is true.  It says in my word, 'Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and anything that ye shall have need of shall be added unto you.' Does my word stand true?" That was the Lord's way of getting my attention to say to seek Him first and he'd finish it.

This past spring, we put a garden behind our house.  When everyone had left and I was alone, I said, "Lord, I'm trying to do the best I know.  Am I not doing enough? If I'm not,  please show me."  I asked Him once again to help us with this.  We were trying to be strong but it was saddening me to see Holly suffer.  Just a few days later, we were parents again to our beautiful daughter, Sarah.

If our story has taught me anything, it's that faith can move anything.  And it doesn't have to be a lot of faith.  At times, we had no more than a mustard seed.

Introducing...

It’s been a while since I’ve posted, but we can finally announce to the world – we are now officially a family of four.  I can now share the story of how we went from three to four.

If you’ve read my previous posts (or if you’ve been affected by adoption), you know that it’s an extremely emotional roller coaster ride.  One minute, you’re hopeful.  The next minute, you question whether it will ever happen.  In late April, I became extremely disheartened.  I asked for a sign and didn’t get it.  In my mind, I was terrified that this was God telling me it wasn’t going to happen.  My nerves were shot.  I cried.   I was downhearted.  I was a wreck.  Jon told me what to do.  He said to write down my prayer on a piece of paper, throw it up in the air and let God have it.  I tried to do this.  It was so hard to let it go, but I began to try to prepare myself for the fact that it might not happen.  In my mind, that was part of letting God have it – being ok with either outcome.  When people would ask about the adoption, I would now say “if” it happens instead of “when.”  It wasn’t that I wasn’t having faith – but rather trying to prepare for the fact that it might not be God’s will.

On Friday, May 1^st, we went to a gospel singing.  I heard a song called “When I Lay My Isaac Down.” The song talked about how Abraham had prayed for Isaac and once Isaac arrived, he had to be willing to sacrifice him.  In the end, it wasn’t Isaac that God wanted, but he wanted Abraham.  He wanted to be put first and once Abraham did that, God provided for him.  When I heard those words, I sat in that church and, again, cried like a baby.  The tears were flowing and there was no stopping them.  I realized in that moment that it wasn’t that God didn’t want to send us a baby.  But I had to be willing to put Him first and be willing for His will.

Two weeks to the day later, we went to a singing at my mother-in-law’s church.  We had gone to the fellowship hall during intermission to grab a bite to eat.  For some reason, while we were there, I looked down at my phone and noticed we’d missed a call.  The area code indicated the same area as our agency so I thought I’d better call it back.  When I did, it was Susan from our agency.  She had a “situation” to tell us about.  Jon and I quickly found my parents for Dakota to stay with and we went outside near our car to talk to her on speaker. 

She began telling us about this baby girl that had been born April 18^th.  She had been born a little early and was still in the NICU. They were expecting her to be released that weekend.  She told us a little about the situation and asked if we were interested.  Of course, we said, “YES!”  It seemed so surreal to me.   We had waited for three years for that call and it was finally happening. She said, “I guess we thought you’d say that because we’ve already got the paperwork ready.”  We were to go home and wait to hear from them the next day.

Needless to say, we left the singing and headed home.  We tried to do work in the house to make sure everything was ready to bring a baby home. 

Now, if you’ve read previous posts, you’ve seen me refer to the name “EJ.” This was because we had “Emma” picked out for a girl and “Jacob” picked out for a boy.  On that Friday night, I asked Jon what if we changed.  I thought about Sarah in the Bible and how she’d had to wait so long to have a baby.  I thought the name, “Sarah” was fitting for her.  We’d talked about that name before and quickly decided that her name was going to be “Sarah Grace” instead of “Emma Grace.”

We got a call from our attorney, Rick, on Saturday saying they were expecting release on Sunday.  He wanted us to wait at home until we heard back from him.  Saturday afternoon, we decided to go out to eat with my parents.  Jon’s birthday was on Sunday and we knew we’d be busy, so we decided to celebrate early.  The whole time, everything still felt so surreal.  Was our wait finally over? Or would this one fall through?

On Sunday morning, we got up and got ready.  We’d realized the city she was in was a little further away than we initially thought so we decided, on faith, to start driving that way. The three of us loaded up in our car and started driving.  Rick called when we were about 20 minutes from home and said the doctor hadn’t been in yet.  We decided to drive on a piece and I could stop by the office and grab my laptop, since I’d likely be out of work for a while.  We did that and then stopped at a Walmart not too far down the road. (Not much else is open that early on Sunday morning.)

Our plans had been to kill time there until we heard from Rick.  When we got through at Walmart, Jon decided to just start driving that way. I questioned whether we should, but Jon said, "Oh ye of little faith." We ended up about 45 minutes to an hour from the hospital at a flea market.  We’d just walked in the flea market when Rick called.  He had talked to the doctor and they were releasing her.  That moment, standing outside a flea market in Warrior, AL, I realized that this was really happening.

We met Rick & Susan at the hospital a little while later.  They went back, made sure they were ready for us, and then five of us (Jon, Dakota, Rick, Susan & I) went back.  We put on our NICU hospital gowns, which brought back memories since Dakota spent a week in the NICU, himself.  The hospital set us up in a little “room” that reminded me of an ICU room – just a little curtained-in room.  They brought out stickers and activity pages for Dakota.  We nervously waited.

We heard a baby cry and they wheeled this beautiful little girl around into our room.  I picked her up from the bed and handed her to her big brother.  In that moment, we became a family of four.  It still felt surreal, but it was oh so real.  We held her for a while and had some bonding time. We signed papers and fed her before getting ready to leave.  Rick and Susan had given her a beautiful outfit that said, “I was worth the wait.” Right before time to eat, I changed her and she peed on it. So, she got to wear her “Little Sister” sleeper home.

After feeding time, the hospital went over discharge papers with us and we put her into the car seat. We walked out of the hospital as she was rolled out on a little baby bed.  We got in the car, pulled out and headed home.

Throughout the next week, reality set in on me.  We were finally here.  The wait was finally over.  We were a family of four.

Dakota is absolutely in love with his baby sister.  He is VERY protective of her.  She absolutely adores him, as well.  I am so thankful they have each other.  I always thought I wanted them closer in age.  That was even one of the things that added to the wait was knowing he was getting older.  In the end, I think they are the perfect number of years apart.

The last four months have been wonderful.  I am so happy to have my family complete. I had wondered how it would be with one biological and one adopted child, but it really isn’t any different, at least as far as how much you love them.  It is hard sometimes keeping up with two, but I am absolutely in love with being a mom of two.  I am no longer waiting for and wondering if my family will ever be complete.

Still praying but no longer hoping & waiting…

Helping Each Other

Just over a year ago, our family was struck with the dreaded "c" word.  My dad found out he had an aggressive form of prostate cancer. Regardless of how treatable they say the disease is, when they tell someone you love that they have cancer, its scary.  The day we found out, we were so upset.  I tried to be strong for my mom but I remember coming home to get something and talking with my friend, Stephanie, and just feeling like I could finally talk about how scared I was. 

Shortly after hearing the news, our insurance agent had just so happened to ask how he was doing and I'd told her what we'd been told.  Before I got home that day, he had already gotten a phone call from her pastor.  He had been there.  He had just had surgery for prostate cancer.  He was able to help dad through his battle.

Today, on the way home from work, Dad called the man to check on him.  You see, a few months ago, this brother found out that his cancer had returned.  This time, this man had to have radiation.  Now, Dad was able to be there for him.  He can talk to him from a "been there, done that" stand point.  I started thinking of how weird (for lack of a better word) it was that the circle had come full force.  He was first able to be an ear for Dad and now Dad's able to be an ear for him.  I'm sure it has to help each of them to have someone who's actually been through it.

I remember about two weeks ago when I was so discouraged.  I sat in our church and looked around thinking "There is NO ONE who understands this.  Not a soul in this building has been there and can understand what I'm going through."  Jon said he did, and while I know he probably understood more than anyone there, he still couldn't understand it from a woman's standpoint (at least according to my mind).

Later that night, I was talking to him and told he what I had thought.  Among many other things, he reminded me that someday, some woman will go through this same exact thing and I (of all people) will be able to help her...those other people won't because they've never been there. I hope that is true, not because I want another woman to suffer, but I want to be able to help someone else.  If when its all said and done, my trials will allow me to offer just a small word of encouragement to another person, then it will be worth it.

I remember growing up, my mom would often remind me what a dear friend of ours would say: there is never a trial that you go through that someone else hasn't already been through.  Sometimes, we don't talk about our trials and heartaches for fear of what others would think, when in actuality, talking about that very trial might be just what they need to hear. I've come to realize lately that sometimes the very things that we don't want to talk about - maybe we're ashamed that we've had that trial or that fight - are the things that help others.  Maybe it lets them know they're not alone, that someone else has "been there." We don't help others by acting perfect all the time...we help others by admitting we're not perfect.  So know that through this journey or any journey, I'm not perfect...I've had emotions, a little bit (maybe more) jealously, and trials.  But I'm still standing.

Still waiting, hoping, and praying...

True Friendship Through the Wait

“It’s like waiting for your water to break, isn’t it? Only you don’t know how far along you are.”

This is one of my favorite quotes I’ve seen related to the adoption process…and it came from my best friend.  She has never been through this process, but has been by my side.  She’s heard my fears, my worries, and my updates.  She’ll ask if I’ve gotten any more baby feet (our agency sends pictures of baby feet when a forever family has been created).  She encourages me, like when I worried that no one would “pick us” because we have a biological child.  She is there for me – more than anyone else other than Jon and my parents. I’m so thankful to have her in my life.

If you’ve ever been pregnant, you completely understand the normal process.  You find out you’re expecting – usually around 5-6 weeks- and get a due date.  At about 18-20 weeks, you can find out whether the baby will be a boy or girl.  You have ultrasounds to see the baby and have a pretty good idea of at least the month that the baby will be born. If you (unlike me) carried your baby at least close to term, you probably got to the point where you were just waiting for it to happen.  You knew once you reached a certain point, delivery was inevitable (even though it might not have felt like it).

Now, imagine finding out you’re expecting, but having no due date. No ultrasounds.  Nothing.  All you know is that you are expecting a baby at some point but you have no idea if you are 2 months along, 5 months along, or 9 months.  All you know is that (hopefully) you will have a baby at some point in the future.  That’s kind of how this is.  I’m waiting for “the call” (aka water to break) but have no idea when it will happen (how far along I am).

My friend followed up that quote with another that is full of encouragement: “The day before your life changes forever is just like any other day.”  This reminds me that even though I don’t know when or how much longer, the day before will be just like today.  I will likely be at work on a normal day thinking about what needs to be done either at work or home, maybe getting ready to plan our weekend or what day I will go get groceries and then suddenly one phone call could change it all.  One phone call could make our family of three become a family of four.

In the meantime, I’m thankful for my husband and my son, who I think will be an excellent big brother.  I’m thankful for the support of my parents.  I don’t know what I would do without them. Honestly,I would have guessed that my dad would’ve been the more excited one about the baby but, while he is excited, I think my mom is almost as anxious as I am.  I’m thankful for my church family - if you’ve never been in a church where the members feel more like family than acquaintances, I strongly encourage it.  I’m thankful for every time that God has sent me encouragement and strength. 

Finally, I’m thankful for my friend.  She has absolutely been my rock over the past year and a half.  I never realized how much I needed her until very recently.  Even when her first son was born, I didn’t think about it.  When she was getting ready to have her second son, I started worrying on the way to the hospital.  What if something happened to her? It was then that I realized how much I NEED her.  I am so thankful to have a true friend that I can talk to about pretty much anything – even when I’m in a selfish and emotional state – and not feel judged or told I shouldn’t feel that way.  So, to my friend, THANK YOU for everything and I love you!

Do I still worry about not being picked? Absolutely.

Do I still wonder when and if it’s going to happen? Of course.

But as we were reminded this week, God’s timing is not our timing. 

Still waiting, hoping, and praying…