Stand Still

Today has been a hard day – I’ve been ill, in a bad mood, and just not happy.  Sometimes, I tend to borrow trouble.  I worry about things that I have no control over.  My worries aren't always directly related to the adoption, but with almost everything a thought crosses my mind of "how will this affect the adoption?" I'm so terrified that something will happen to wipe our bank account out or anything that could negatively affect the adoption.  Paranoid is probably a better word for it.

My newest worry has gotten to me and drug me down a bit.  My dad has reminded me - "Holly, just pray about it.  He's always provided for you before."  Mom told me, "Just pray about it."  I know they are right.  He has always provided for us.  When one door closes, either it doesn't shut too hard or another one opens right up.   Sometimes, I think Satan tries to block those memories from us and cloud them with worry.  What reason has God ever given me to think that He wouldn't work things out for us?

On the way home tonight, I was burdened.  All of sudden, this song came across my mind and I realized how well it fit the situation.  Anytime you're faced with a decision, its stressful.  If I choose the path to the left, something might happen later to make me regret it.  But if I choose the path to the right, I might regret that one as well. Do I take the path to the left, right or stay on my current path?  I think this song helped to ease my mind a bit:

Maybe that's my answer - I just need to stand still and wait on God to work things out for us.   My absolute favorite Bible verse is:

Delight theyself also in the Lord: and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart. - Psalm 37:4

I need to try my absolute best to work for Him and delight in Him and He will take care of us.  I definitely have some moving up to do.  I hope this situation works out for the best and I hope our baby comes sooner rather than later but all I can do right now is work for Him and do good.  Then, stand still and let God move. But standing still is hard to do.

Still waiting, hoping, and praying...

On Time

We had an absolutely wonderful church service this morning.  There was so much encouragement and such a good, peaceful feeling there. A good friend of ours started a song and probably about 1/2 through it, I started realizing just how appropriate the words of that song were:

You can't hurry God.  You'll just have to wait. 

Trust in Him.  Call on Him.  No matter how long it takes.

He's a God that you can't hurry.  He'll be there so don't you worry.

He may not come when you call him but He'll come on time.

After this song, Dad started talking to the church and really focused on Galatians 6:9:

Be not weary in well doing: for in due season, we shall reap if we faint not.

Dad started talking about how this relates to prayer.  He talked about how we shouldn't get discouraged if our prayers aren't being answered right away but instead remember that our prayers ARE reaching the Throne! The service was such a good reminder that regardless of our prayers and needs, God hears each one.  He even hears the ones that feel like they are leaving our mouth and hitting the floor in front of us.

Last night was our Christmas play at church.  I get so stressed before the play each year and each year it turns out fine.  After being so stressed and worried, the play was finally over.  Everyone (for the most part) did their parts and the hard work payed off.  But my prize came after the play.

If you've read many of my blog posts, you've seen that I have struggled at times with people making comments that hurt me related to our adoption.  As much as I'd like to not care what people think, I sometimes do.  It helps when you have encouragement instead of discouragement.  My mom tries to tell me to focus on the good things that happen and not those that make negative comments. The more good things that happen, the easier it becomes to focus on those.

After the play was over, I was sitting in the kitchen holding my friend's baby that she is hoping to soon adopt.  A sister from our church came up to me.  Her words went something like this: "I've really had y'all on my mind lately.  I've been trying to pray for you and have felt God.  I really feel like it could be any day that you get a call to go get a baby." I almost cried.  It helped me SO much to know that this dear sister cared enough about us to pray for us and was happy and excited for us!

I don't know when we'll get the call - it could be 3 months, it could be 6 months, it could be another year.  But regardless of when, I know God hears our prayers.  He hears each one of them. He knows our hearts, our desires, and our needs before we even pray.  As the song says, "He may not come when you call Him but He'll come on time!"

I have one request before I go today.  The closer we get to our baby, the more I realize that his or her birth mother could be expecting NOW.  She chose / is choosing to give this child life and to do what she feels is best for this child. If you believe in the power of prayer, please help us pray for our baby's birth mother/birth parents.  This has to be a difficult time for her/them.   Please help us pray that she (and he if involved) makes wise choices for herself and the baby and that she finds peace and contentment in her decision.

Still waiting, hoping & praying.....

My Miracle Song...

Sometimes, I believe a song can speak to you like people can't.  I saw that first hand a few months ago and would like to share.

For starters, back in late summer/early fall, someone made a comment to me about the adoption.  To them, I'm sure it was mostly a fleeting thought and they spoke their bit and went on their way.  That day and for many days and even months afterwards, those statements haunted me.  They actually kind of crushed me.  I dealt with them day in and out.  How dare this person say something to me that affected my whole world like that? I dealt with emotions related to that for a while. 

Earlier this year, we went to a concert where the Mike Bowling family performed.  I ended up buying a couple of CD's.  At first, this particular song didn't stand out to me.  However, later on, I started to actually listen to the words and, in my mind this song almost became my adoption anthem.  Listening to the words of this song helped me understand that I don’t have understand everything, but I do believe this is the path that God has chosen for our family and I am ok with that – actually, I have even become happy about that.  This song now has a special place in my heart.

A Miracle Today as sung by The Mike Bowling Family

You see the puzzle not the piece.  
You see the forest not the trees.
You know what's best for me.
Lord, you have bottled up my tears.
You see my questions and my fears

And the way it has to be.

I know that there are others more deserving than I.
I know that I'm not worthy but you listen when I cry.
So if this cross is mine to bear, I'll praise you anyway.
Lord, I could sure use a miracle today.

Lord, you are faithful more than words.
You feed the lilies & the birds
You catch the sparrow when it falls.
You know exactly where I am
So I'm not questioning your plan
There's a reason for it all.